Over the summer, I experienced an unpleasant crossover between my online and off-line lives. I feel like it is now appropriate to share my experience in the hopes that others might benefit from some extra knowledge.
I must preface this information with the acknowledgment that I do feel like I am somewhat more careful about my online vs. off-line information sharing than others may be, and yet I still left myself a little too vulnerable, or so it would appear. I am a web geek, so it is my nature to have a very “connected” existence. I put a lot of my life online, and I feel like I am reasonably responsible when it comes to maintaining a healthy amount of distance and restraint in order to protect myself to some extent. Services like Twitter, Brightkite, Dopplr and others make it too easy to expose yourself to unwanted threats, but if you try to be smart about your information stream then I do feel like you can avoid TOO much drama.
Like many Houstonians involved in technology and marketing, I have gotten to know a lot of new people through Twitter, and have participated in meetups and made a lot of good friends. The flip side of this is that I have also become a target for someone who clearly has the intent to harm me and potentially others in our community. I am posting the contents of two emails I received several moths ago. I know who sent them to me, but I will let you all draw your own conclusions. My hope is really just that people learn to be more careful with their on and off-line interactions. Trust your gut instincts about people, but above all, don’t take crap from anyone! I am not going to let this person interfere with my life, and I hope others will be able to do the same 
In the interest of privacy I have removed some personal details about a third party mentioned in the email who was quite viciously targeted. The intent was to humiliate this person as well as attack me, my husband and our marriage. Nice try.
Keep in mind that this email was sent to my email address at work.
>On Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 7:58 PM, anonymous.4b3bb6182f <
>anonymous.4b3bb6182f@anonymousspeech.com> wrote:
>
>> Let me start with. You are one of the nicest people around. Kind hearted
>> and a real trip to be around. I am sending this not to hurt you, but to let
>> you know what has been noticed in public places.
>>
>> Have you noticed a certain twitter “friend” who pays an [unusual] amount
>> of attention to you and your husband’s activities? Finds a way to nuzzle his
>> ear in public all for a “photo opportunity” The way she brushed her breasts
>> up against him at the @carolineco opening. Pretty close for a stranger. I
>> saw the way she looked at him there.
>>
>> Everything about her is all about her. She is in love with your husband.
>> She says so in her blog. Maybe you should read her blog. Pay special
>> attention to her pictures. [link and blog details removed]
>>
>> You know what your husband looks like naked. Does that naked man in her
>> pictures look familiar.
>>
>> [personal details removed referencing a specific "tweetup" with only about 20 people in attendance] ever notice that
>> smell in your home before? How about the day you commented that your
>> husband’s car smelled like Armour All or something. She was with him. She
>> was in his car.
>>
>> Just think about what will happen while you are out of town!
I sent the following reply:
>Does the reply work? So seriously? You think this is my husband? Why?
This was the the response:
I’ve been out of the country and am just now reading your reply.
Did you see her blog?
You KNOW it is your husband. It is him with that [adjective removed] whore. I see you have been out of town as well. Look around your home. I would be willing to wager that there is [adjective removed] hair there somewhere. The guest room? On the floor next to your bed? In the kitchen? Better yet try the shower or bath drains.
I’m sure all the beds will have fresh linens!
You are a dear sweet wonderful person. Your husband is a nice chap. He just has very poor taste in his choice of daliance. Maybe we’ll “run into” her at the happy hour @CC? Maybe at BarCamp? Wait, she is ignorant and knows nothing about computers.
I hope your trip was as enjoyable and as productive as mine was.
To the person who sent these: steer clear of me. I won’t always be polite.
Finally, take some advice from one of the smartest women I know:
You get to set limits on and make decisions about constructing your Social (Media) Life™. This applies to both individuals and groups.
Trust your instincts. They work online and In Real Life.
Read the full post. Seriously.
Twitter Updates
Great Post Katherine and a much needed one.
Kudos to you for posting this. You’re absolutely right in everything that you said and frankly we’re not putting up with this crap anymore! WOO HOO!
Yikes!!
Have you seen http://socialstalking.com/ ?
It’s hard to find the right balance between on-line public, on-line private and real world for anybody — probably harder for The Webmistress.
Thanks for the shout-out, sugar! And I’m really, really sorry that something as invasive, inappropriate and just plain wrong as all this happened to you, your husband, and the woman he is maligning here.
In my clinical experience, dudes who do stuff like this usually have massive psychological issues that they ignore, choosing instead to distract themselves by inflicting pain on others when their infantile narcissism isn’t catered to.
Dudes who do stuff like this tend to wind up really miserable later in life, but not before damaging or exploiting pretty much every relationship they form with other human beings. I certainly hope that some sort of cosmic justice prevails and he gets it through his head that this kind of cowardly and ham-handed sociopathy just ain’t a good idea.
Wow!, sucks that people out there find pleasure in doing this mind crap. Good thing you are a strong personality and didn’t let it make you do something stupid. Thanks for sharing the advice
Hi Katherine,
I was browsing the Linux Journal site and happened across yours. In reference to your experience I wanted to share this website and what happened to Beth, a friend of mine, several years ago. You can find the website and related incident recorded here(http://whoishe.com/PressReleases/DigitalDating10152003.html). Thank you for all your hard work and devotion to our community!
I’ve seen this kind of behavior before. The safest way to stop this is to never go online. But that’s not a viable option, especially for those of us who work in this industry. I’m not sure what the tipping point is for to much info nor how to keep from tipping it, though. Sorry, it seems I’m no help at all.
As a side note, the “trust your instincts” advice is great except for those of us without social awareness abilities. But this problem, for me, is not an online only one. My life in “meat space” is just as vulnerable.
This is still going on? Geez. All you can do is keep letting people know. People don’t want creeps around as much as you do, and people will always look out for you.
So keep on keeping on. Your work is too important for people to be messing with your head.
Michelle Greer’s last blog post..Is Twitter Mainstream Yet? No (and That’s Okay).